I'm currently avoiding finishing my conference paper and grading the final papers for my class. It's a bit depressing around here the last few days because the once glorious weather has departed for those gray, foggy days in which I never see the sun. It's "June Gloom" in fucking March. The weather, coupled with my ever-burdgeoning to-do list has put me in this state of paralysis: I don't want to do anything and I can't even force myself to try.
So, what have I been doing? Listening to music and wandering about the internet. I want to share with you 2 of my favorites:
1. A guy who has mixed Scissor Sisters, The Beatles, George Michael, and Aretha Franklin. Awesome! He's got a dual bachelors degree in both Music and Computer Science, so this guy knows what he's doin'.
"No One Takes Your Freedom"
2. A preview of the yumminess that will be released June 8th (and NO I'm not talking about Al Pacino):
Friday, March 16, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Pictures from yesterday
La La--a post about nothing
It is a beeeyoooooootiful day today! It's 85 degrees! It's so wonderful that I cannot help but use exclamation points!
I, of course, have much work to do and don't really get to go play in the sunshine. I think I'll at least sit outside and soak up some vitamin D while I revise my draft of a conference paper.
I don't get do anything really fun until April 23rd. Oh well--if the weather could stay like this, I would work every weekend.
I, of course, have much work to do and don't really get to go play in the sunshine. I think I'll at least sit outside and soak up some vitamin D while I revise my draft of a conference paper.
I don't get do anything really fun until April 23rd. Oh well--if the weather could stay like this, I would work every weekend.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Paper grading
Did you know that if men and women were equal, as in if they were paid equally and could have all the same jobs that our country would become a socialist state? That women with equality in the workforce = descent into being commie bastards? And let me tell you why: because if women are paid equally to men, then no one will want to work harder than they have to, because, you know, everyone's getting paid the same anyway!
Man, you learn something new every day.
Man, you learn something new every day.
Friday, March 2, 2007
Jogging/Walking Musings
M gave me a Nike+ thingy for my iPod for Christmas. I didn't ask for it or anything, but because I had mentioned it he decided to buy it for me. (Don't tell him, but I actually only mentioned it because he was talking about training for a half-marathon and I thought it'd be really cool for him. oh well.)
So, now I feel like I have to start running again, even though I'm not a huge fan of running. Ha. That's an understatement. I borderline hate it. Seriously.
In an effort to use the little gadget (and yes, you can use it without those expensive Nike shoes--I bought a $5 shoe thingy), I've started to jog again. But, since I'm at the beginning I am doing that jog/walk combination, which feels silly when someone is behind me. Oh well.
I suppose this post isn't about much except to rub it in the face of my friends who have moved from here, or who are not here right now. Thus, I'll get right to the point.
The last few days, it's been very windy here. The consequence is that it is insanely clear in this coastal town. I've been jog/walking by the ocean in the late afternoon close to sunset and when that sun hits the islands off the coast, it has been absolutely amazing. These islands are normally a shrouded presence that some days look like a cloud bank on the horizon. But this week, oh! that clarity in the air reveals mountains jutting out of the ocean, with sheer rock walls plunging ino the sea and breaks in the brush that covers those peaks, with the bare land peeking through.
It has been one hell of a sight; in my six years here, I have never seen that much detail on those islands. I live in a beautiful place--it can be a strange beauty as the primary colors here are yellow and blue, but as my time here winds down it's nice to revel in what makes this such a desirable place to live.
So, now I feel like I have to start running again, even though I'm not a huge fan of running. Ha. That's an understatement. I borderline hate it. Seriously.
In an effort to use the little gadget (and yes, you can use it without those expensive Nike shoes--I bought a $5 shoe thingy), I've started to jog again. But, since I'm at the beginning I am doing that jog/walk combination, which feels silly when someone is behind me. Oh well.
I suppose this post isn't about much except to rub it in the face of my friends who have moved from here, or who are not here right now. Thus, I'll get right to the point.
The last few days, it's been very windy here. The consequence is that it is insanely clear in this coastal town. I've been jog/walking by the ocean in the late afternoon close to sunset and when that sun hits the islands off the coast, it has been absolutely amazing. These islands are normally a shrouded presence that some days look like a cloud bank on the horizon. But this week, oh! that clarity in the air reveals mountains jutting out of the ocean, with sheer rock walls plunging ino the sea and breaks in the brush that covers those peaks, with the bare land peeking through.
It has been one hell of a sight; in my six years here, I have never seen that much detail on those islands. I live in a beautiful place--it can be a strange beauty as the primary colors here are yellow and blue, but as my time here winds down it's nice to revel in what makes this such a desirable place to live.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
My Job≠My Self
I had a telephone conversation with someone lately (I honestly can't remember who), and this person talked about those poor souls with their nursing jobs, or the like, whose lives and very selves are inextricably linked with their career. For these people, any and every failure reflects poorly on not just their performance, but on the deepest core of their existence.
I nodded many times, expressing my agreement and my chagrin for Those People, you know, because the person on the other end can see when I nod when I'm on the phone. Anyway, I was all, "that's right! It is so sad." And the conversation moved on to other things.
I had some fleeting sense of something directly after I got off the phone, but didn't revisit it fully until I was driving home from school today. That something that I was brushing off earlier was a niggling feeling that fully flowered today: I am, in some ways, one of Those People.
Perhaps I am in denial, but I do believe that academia is particularly conducive to the My Job/Self people. I think it's a hazard of that career track. Long ago, when I was going through my crappy high school phase, my parents sent me to a psychiatrist to make sure everything was okay. This psychiatrist talked to me about all of my parental issues and mentioned that, unfortunately, I was subjected to certain rules and regulations because my father is a lawyer. Sort of like the kid who is the progeny of a doctor--the doctor knows what could happen based on a simple headache and rather than giving the child aspirin and sending her out the door, Dr. takes her to the hospital to check for meningitis and won't let the kid out of the house for the next 3 weeks. The point is that I think academia is similar, and I never felt this way with my regular jobs.
Why is the "Job/Self" disease so possible with academia? Because we work so hard on our research, throwing our hearts and souls and every kernel of intelligence at the problem we have created for ourselves. This problem we love so much that we are willing to give years of our lives to pick at it, take it apart, and master every contour and nuance. In giving so much of oneself, it is difficult not to feel crushed when you are giving a paper and someone in the audience calls into question the basis of your career and, really, a huge part of your life.
But, I'm not sure that really gets at it. Isn't a "regular" job a huge part of everyone's life?
Well, another thing about academia is that it always comes home with me. When I worked a "regular" job, I rarely, if ever, brought my work home with me. Hell, I was just happy that I finally didn't have homework to worry about after I got home...it was what made happy hour so goddamned happy. This job? I'm constantly thinking ahead: have to grade this weekend, conferences next week, need to start changing stuff for next quarter and getting the syllabus and reader together. Not to mention the stuff with my own research, the stuff that will never go away no matter how high I may reach in academia: have to finish the grant applications due tomorrow, write another conference proposal, finish a chapter, write the paper for a conference, fix a previous chapter's draft, plan a research trip to Paris that may never come to fruition, etc. etc. etc. It just never ends.
And I'm okay with that. Because I like it. Because there are those times when I'm proud of myself for what I've done. What I don't like is the fact that so much of myself is wrapped up in this crappy-ass blanket. This blanket that is so warm and soft and fuzzy and wonderful when people tell me I'm doing well. What a high! But, it's like trying to sleep on sandpaper when I'm blindsided by negativity about my work. It's not that I want people to lie either. I really want to know the truth, but...it's still heart-wrenching. Unfortunately, I've now resorted to automatically thinking that everything I submit is shit. It's easier that way. It is not, however, a good way to approach a job. Not.at.all.
Further, this is truly about my work. My teaching? I'm a pretty good teacher--I've had my bad moments, but I'm all right in the grand scheme of things. I don't have that same confidence in my own work and I need to get over it. Because I can't keep going through this cycle of highs and lows with this job. I've got some prime opportunities to test my new resolution in the next few months, so wish me luck. It will be a tough road.
But, it will be a road filled with martinis, KTinis, Rebtinis, Mtinis, good wine, and good food. And really? What more could I ask for?
I nodded many times, expressing my agreement and my chagrin for Those People, you know, because the person on the other end can see when I nod when I'm on the phone. Anyway, I was all, "that's right! It is so sad." And the conversation moved on to other things.
I had some fleeting sense of something directly after I got off the phone, but didn't revisit it fully until I was driving home from school today. That something that I was brushing off earlier was a niggling feeling that fully flowered today: I am, in some ways, one of Those People.
Perhaps I am in denial, but I do believe that academia is particularly conducive to the My Job/Self people. I think it's a hazard of that career track. Long ago, when I was going through my crappy high school phase, my parents sent me to a psychiatrist to make sure everything was okay. This psychiatrist talked to me about all of my parental issues and mentioned that, unfortunately, I was subjected to certain rules and regulations because my father is a lawyer. Sort of like the kid who is the progeny of a doctor--the doctor knows what could happen based on a simple headache and rather than giving the child aspirin and sending her out the door, Dr. takes her to the hospital to check for meningitis and won't let the kid out of the house for the next 3 weeks. The point is that I think academia is similar, and I never felt this way with my regular jobs.
Why is the "Job/Self" disease so possible with academia? Because we work so hard on our research, throwing our hearts and souls and every kernel of intelligence at the problem we have created for ourselves. This problem we love so much that we are willing to give years of our lives to pick at it, take it apart, and master every contour and nuance. In giving so much of oneself, it is difficult not to feel crushed when you are giving a paper and someone in the audience calls into question the basis of your career and, really, a huge part of your life.
But, I'm not sure that really gets at it. Isn't a "regular" job a huge part of everyone's life?
Well, another thing about academia is that it always comes home with me. When I worked a "regular" job, I rarely, if ever, brought my work home with me. Hell, I was just happy that I finally didn't have homework to worry about after I got home...it was what made happy hour so goddamned happy. This job? I'm constantly thinking ahead: have to grade this weekend, conferences next week, need to start changing stuff for next quarter and getting the syllabus and reader together. Not to mention the stuff with my own research, the stuff that will never go away no matter how high I may reach in academia: have to finish the grant applications due tomorrow, write another conference proposal, finish a chapter, write the paper for a conference, fix a previous chapter's draft, plan a research trip to Paris that may never come to fruition, etc. etc. etc. It just never ends.
And I'm okay with that. Because I like it. Because there are those times when I'm proud of myself for what I've done. What I don't like is the fact that so much of myself is wrapped up in this crappy-ass blanket. This blanket that is so warm and soft and fuzzy and wonderful when people tell me I'm doing well. What a high! But, it's like trying to sleep on sandpaper when I'm blindsided by negativity about my work. It's not that I want people to lie either. I really want to know the truth, but...it's still heart-wrenching. Unfortunately, I've now resorted to automatically thinking that everything I submit is shit. It's easier that way. It is not, however, a good way to approach a job. Not.at.all.
Further, this is truly about my work. My teaching? I'm a pretty good teacher--I've had my bad moments, but I'm all right in the grand scheme of things. I don't have that same confidence in my own work and I need to get over it. Because I can't keep going through this cycle of highs and lows with this job. I've got some prime opportunities to test my new resolution in the next few months, so wish me luck. It will be a tough road.
But, it will be a road filled with martinis, KTinis, Rebtinis, Mtinis, good wine, and good food. And really? What more could I ask for?
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
KTini
I'm not saying that no one else has ever done this. In fact, I'm pretty fucking sure they have. But, I made it for myself and I like it and we call it a KTini in our house.
Cheap-Ass KTini:
6 oz. Rear Admiral Joseph Gin (TJ's)*
.5 oz. dry vermouth
lime juice, splash (to taste)
Place ice cubes and water into 2 martini glasses. Let sit for 4-5 minutes. Place gin and vermouth in cocktail shaker over ice. Shake. Empty martini glasses, leaving slight film of ice water. Pour martini into glass and add splashes of lime juice to taste.
Serves 2. Or serves 1 lush. Which is me.
I don't put olives in this one. I have yet to determine my preferred garnish, but it's probably a lime wedge.
*You can substitute Sapphire or, even better, Hendrick's for the cheapo gin. Adjust vermouth accordingly.
Cheap-Ass KTini:
6 oz. Rear Admiral Joseph Gin (TJ's)*
.5 oz. dry vermouth
lime juice, splash (to taste)
Place ice cubes and water into 2 martini glasses. Let sit for 4-5 minutes. Place gin and vermouth in cocktail shaker over ice. Shake. Empty martini glasses, leaving slight film of ice water. Pour martini into glass and add splashes of lime juice to taste.
Serves 2. Or serves 1 lush. Which is me.
I don't put olives in this one. I have yet to determine my preferred garnish, but it's probably a lime wedge.
*You can substitute Sapphire or, even better, Hendrick's for the cheapo gin. Adjust vermouth accordingly.
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