O, soda you are so fizzy
you have so many flavors, like Pepsi, and 7-Up, and Coke
and if I put liquor in there, I sometimes feel dizzy.
It’s truly the fizz that I love, and your sweetness too, so I’ll buy you until I go broke.
I could drink coffee, but that has too much caffeine,
making me sweaty, shaky and wild-eyed,
which renders me unable to do any work on my dissertation.
O soda, you come in bottles and cans, but I hold cans in the highest esteem,
because those fizzies from the can have no where to hide,
and I can burp loud enough to hear across the nation.
O soda, you may be so very bad for me,
your phosphorus takes away my bones’ calcium.
So, I try to drink more 7-Up, which has fewer chemicals, you see.
But, I crave those bits of caffeine to make my days more halcyon.
Thus, I return to those wonderful colas of yore,
with their caffeine-laden bubbles sparkling on my tongue,
and the gentle effects of those chemicals make my words vomit onto the page so beautifully.
O soda, you ask, how could I love you more?
Does this ode not lend a sense of those feelings you give me, of elation?
If not, well too bad, for I’ve tried my best and you can just go screw yourself. Beautifully.
Pindaric Odes: usually 3, 10-line stanzas with rhyme scheme ababcdecde. The form of the stanzas should be strophe, antistrophe, and epode. But, that's a little TOO involved for dissertation avoidance. :)